Tag: Mental Health

Back to Nature

SPOCK: There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created. It is almost a biological rebellion. A profound revulsion against the planned communities, the programming, the sterilised, artfully balanced atmospheres. They hunger for an Eden where spring comes.

Star Trek, “The Way to Eden” (s3e20), Stardate 5832.3

世の中よ道こそなけれ思ひ入る山の奥にも鹿ぞ鳴くなる。

Within this world there is, indeed, no path! Even deep in this mountains I have entered, heart set, I seem to hear the deer cry!

Poem 83 of the Hyakunin Isshu, translation by Joshua Mostow

Recently, I came back from a camping trip, the last for our family before my daughter goes off to college. It was both good and bad. We stayed at Moran State Park on Orcas Island, Washington. I had been to Orcas Island a number of times over the years, but I had never really stayed there for personal reasons, so it was nice to explore at leisure for a change.

Cascade Lake near our campsite, which was very pristine and peaceful in the mornings. Our dog, Cherry, liked exploring here.
The so-called “Indian Island” in Eastsound bay. This area was once a village belonging to a Salish people called the Lummi (official homepage), who grew camassia crops on that islet. A combination of disease from Westerners and raids by northern Salish tribes drove them to the mainland. That lone pine tree feels like a momument to the Lummi to me…
A view from Mount Constitution, the highest peak on Orcas Island, facing eastward towards Washington State. I visited here many years ago as a kid on a school camping trip, but don’t remember much.

I posted the Star Trek quote above, not just because it sounds cool, but it does explore a side of us all: yearning for the simple country life. We all feel that revulsion toward modern life, and want to escape, yet even just after a couple days of camping in the woods, the smell of body-odor, noise from neighboring campers,1 and lack of food variety, Internet access, and electricity made us really eager to go back home. Even with modern amenities like gas stoves, freezer coolers and ready-made food (including instant ramen), it quickly gets old.

It wasn’t just me either. There was a lone woman camping just next to us. She brought her dog, and a stack of books to read, and seemed like an experienced camper, but it was clear that she wasn’t finding the solace she sought, and spent most of her time away from campsite to (presumably) find a quieter spot.

The fabled Eden sounds nice, but such a bucolic past probably never existed. Pre-modern life was in reality hard, exhausting, and safety was not always guaranteed.

Yet, modern life has its own challenges and dangers too. We might not die from dysentery anymore, but we often suffer obesity, isolation, and constant anxiety. We might not starve like our ancestors did, but we also eat some egregiously bad food thanks to mass-production and chemicals (including microplastics). Similarly, our fellow Man has replaced natural predators as the threat to our lives.

I don’t want to downplay the benefits of modern life, though.

The average2 lifespan of a human being in the 21st century is significantly longer than before. My little incident a couple years ago likely would have killed me before modern medicine. Dying in one’s forties was not uncommon in the pre-modern era. But the dangers of modern life are still there but now more subtle, yet catch up to us eventually.

In short, life is a struggle, no matter how long we live. Getting to old age without suffering any major health issues is something to be grateful for, but even more important is how you choose to live your life up to that point. As the Zen aphorism goes: every day is (sort of) a good day, so enjoy the moment, and try to live with some element of dignity and free of regrets.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu

1 There was a very rude family camped next to us. The mom kept yelling and swearing at her two toddler children, who in turn were constantly crying and talking back … at 4am in the morning. Ironically, the lady had a “Live Laugh Love” bumper sticker on her car.

2 The keyword here is “average”. A person in pre-modern times some people did live to their 80’s or 90’s, but the odds were against them. A single scratch leading to an infection, or a crippling injury, or a genetic precondition that we can treat now would often kill a younger person. So, if you did manage to live to a ripe old age, it was indeed a cause for celebration.

Vengeance

MCCOY: What if you decide he is Kodos? What then? Do you play God, carry his head through the corridors in triumph? That won’t bring back the dead, Jim.

KIRK: No, but they may rest easier.

Star Trek, “The Conscience of the King” (s1ep13), Stardate 2817.6

In the game Fire Emblem: Three Houses, one of the three main characters you interact with is the prince of Faerghus, Dimitri, who has suffered terrible tragedy in the youth. Behind his veneer of civility, he is gradually losing his mind.

He cannot get past the loss of his loved ones, and is determined to kill Edelgard personally, whom he blames for all his misery. Depending on which story path you choose in the game, Dimitri’s fate, and the fate of everyone he drags down with him, is very tragic indeed.

Dmittri in the “Azure Moon” route of Fire Emblem: Three Houses

The Buddha saw through this death-spiral of vengeance and hatred, and how utterly pointless it was:

“He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.

The Dhammapada, verse 3, translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

Indeed, ill-will is one of the Five Hindrances, and can only be countered by goodwill. But what happens when someone has been genuinely hurt and abused by someone else?

Dimitri at an earlier point in the game.

Dimitri suffered terrible loss and hardship in his youth due to the political machinations outside his control, and the pain and grief are genuine, not something you can just wish away, or use platitudes to make it better. It’s not hard for readers to think back to moments of trauma in their own lives (I have my fair share), and feel raw anger, rage, or sadness (why did this happen to me? why do I have to live with these scars for the rest of my life?).

If you pick the story path that sides with Dimitri, there is a happier fate for him. I don’t want to spoil too much, but through his friends (including you, the main player), he learns to unravel his past and gradually learns to look forward toward the future his kingdom including a dramatic moment with Edelgard.

Thus, I think what the Buddha says in the Dhammapada is true: vengeance, anger and bitterness are indeed self-destructive, but if the trauma and pain are real, they can be very difficult to let go. It is too raw and painful to simply dismiss with logic and reason. But, in Dimitri’s case, support from loved ones helps him through the darkest moments, and helped him let go. He learned not to face it alone, and grew from it.

With whatever trauma you have to live through, I hope you dear readers find similar resolve and happiness.

Madness

SPOCK: Jim, madness has no purpose or reason, but it may have a goal. 

Star Trek, “Alternative Factor” (s1ep25), Stardate: 3087.6

I was going to write something based on this excellent quote, but then the good folks at Extra History published this fascinating and hilarious video about Goodwin Wharton (1653 – 1704), and his autobiography describing his secret life as the King of the Faeries, unbeknownst to the rest of the world:

There is also a great blog post from 2015 that goes into more details.

It’s kind of baffling that someone like this could be a (more or less) functional individual yet also be completely consumed by their own fantasy, and so totally divorced from reality. Goodwin Wharton had goals, per Spock’s comment, though. However, Wharton was totally devoid of both reason and purpose. He was just quietly living out his fantasy life as “King of Faeries”.

It kind of makes one wonder how many more such people exist in a world like this. Would we even recognize them?

Thinking further on this, could any one of us be living in such fantasies? Could I, the writer of this blog, be similarly devoid of reality? I assume “no” of course, but then again, how would I even know? Are my personal goals just further extension of my own madness?

Looking at it form a Buddhist standpoint, our understanding of the world around us is obscured by ignorance, or misconceptions, which become the foundation of how we interact with the world. In a loose sense, this can be a form of madness, but most of us are functional adults with varying degrees of emotional maturity.

Further, we do have the capacity to ask ourselves, “is this the right thing to do?” or “does this even make sense?”. I think that ability to analyze ourselves is what helps counterbalance ignorance and madness. Further, the Dharma, that which is taught by the Buddhas, is meant to act as a kind of benchmark for one’s actions. It doesn’t what you think is right, if it aligns with the principles of the Dharma, than it is considered skillful, wise, and conducive to liberation and well-being. The Buddha doesn’t decide this, it is just how things work.

Conversely, those who never bother to analyze themselves, though, can go through life in a single trajectory and not realize their mistake. Just like Goodwin Wharton…

P.S. I felt like posting a bonus episode today since it is Spring Ohigan week. Please enjoy the weather and have a great weekend! 😊

The Value of Friendship

Finishing the last chapters of Roger Zelazny’s A Night in the Lonesome October, I wanted to post this quote:

Greymalk: “Damned if I know, Snuff. Does anybody really care about a hungry cat, except for a few friends?”

Snuff: “Maybe that’s all anybody ever has, no matter how the big show is run.”

Recently, someone at work told me a story. They took some time off and returned to their native home of Bosnia, and visited family and friends that they hadn’t seen in years. Every morning, they sat and enjoyed Turkish-style coffee with friends and family and just talked. When they came back to work, they told the rest of us that sometimes the best therapy is to just sit and talk with loved ones over coffee. Of course, this doesn’t cure everything, but even just getting into a routine of talking with loved ones face to face on a regular basis can do much to help one’s wellbeing.

My wife, kids and I try to sit for dinner every night when possible. My oldest is just about ready to leave for college, so this time will not last much longer, and we rarely ever talk about anything serious, but it’s nice to just share whatever interesting thing happened that day. Once our oldest leaves the nest, things will certainly change around the house.1

In any case, even in the most turbulent times, amidst all the chaos, sometimes all you can do is just foster relationships with the people around you. Just simply being around trusted people is a good start.

1 In the office too, those times when I could sit and chat with trusted co-workers were kind of nice even if corporate office life kind of sucked. Being laid off during the early Pandemic, and then working at a new place has cut me off from that experience because I still work from home (too many people hired during Pandemic, not enough office space). Working from home has its benefits too, but the isolation comes at a cost.

Perspective

Recently, I discovered that one of my coworkers, who is an immigrant to this country, had survived the Yugoslav wars of the 1990s. I am trying to protect their identity a bit, but they described life as a teenager being besieged in their home city for months in 1992 without running water, or reliable food supply. After the war was over, they came to the US with a mere $50, a college degree, and no idea what to do next. Thankfully, my coworker was able to get on their feet, establish their career here, and now have a growing family.

However, what’s interesting is that if my coworker had never confided their past, I would never have guessed. By all appearances they were just another career adult. I’ve had a coworker who grew up in Palestinian refugee camps in the Middle East, but again, it’s not obvious in a professional work setting and they only confided in me much later in our friendship.

It underscores how many people around you, who by all accounts seem like normal, functional adults, may be carrying terrible traumas in their lives. It is not always wars, natural disasters, and ethnic conflicts either; it can also be personal, domestic traumas, emotional scarring that fades with time, but never fully disappears. It is said that 1 out of 4 women in the US, possibly more, have been abused and that means that out of all the women I work with, correspond with, or hang out with, one out of four, maybe even one out of three of them may be carrying out terrible scars from their past.

And of course, it’s not limited to women, either. It’s not hard to scratch the surface and find men who have also suffered terrible traumas, abuse, etc., and carry this with them for the rest of their lives. I remember my best friend in grade school suffering terrible, physical abuse from his father. He grew into a pretty unhappy teen and eventually the family moved away. I didn’t comprehend any of this until too late, and lost touch with him before we could talk about it together. I’ve always regretted that.

Being an adult is hard enough as it is, but also carrying around terrible traumas makes it even harder because you can never fully erase them. You can move on, find happiness, and still grow as a human being, but the scar will always be there.

Photo by Mokhalad Musavi on Pexels.com

My coworker who survived the Yugoslav wars, for their part, told us that they decided not to focus on the past and instead focus on the here and now: kids, career, helping others in the same field, and so on. They joke among other survivors that they still get a bit twitchy sometimes due to their traumatic past. Yet at the same time, they don’t want to be weighed down by it either. They want to move on and look toward the future.

In learning to understand others, I think it’s important to consider painful past they may have had. It doesn’t always excuse the behavior, but it does provide some perspective.

Screenshots from the game Chrono Trigger.

Meanwhile Life Goes On

A close-up of a honeybee landing on a flower growing from a blackberry bush.

It’s easy to forget amidst all the stresses of life, especially life now, that life goes on. If nothing else, take time today to get some fresh air and maybe meditate for five minutes. It will help provide a more healthy perspective. 🙂

P.S. Another older post on the subject.