Ablution

A floor tile mosaic showing two peacocks flanking a foundatin. Above the fountain is the Greek palindrome "ΝΙΨΟΝΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑΜΗΜΟΝΑΝΟΨΙΝ".

Recently, I have been dabbling in learning ancient Greek language for the first time in years. I polished off my old DVD copy of the Greek 101 course from The Great Courses which I bought during the Pandemic after my local library no longer had it available.1 It’s been fun to review old lessons, get reacquainted with such a gorgeous language, and so on.

Anyhow, something I wanted to share was a famous axiom in Koine Greek found throughout the Eastern Roman (a.k.a. the Byzantine) world:

ΝΙΨΟΝΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑΜΗΜΟΝΑΝΟΨΙΝ
(Νίψον ἀνομήματα, μὴ μόναν ὄψιν)

“Wash your sins, not only your face.”

This is pronounced as Nipson anomēmata mē monan opsin. This is a famous palindrome (same forwards or backwards) that according to Wikipedia is attributed to one Saint Gregory of Nazianzus. I am not super familiar with the Orthodox tradition, but feel free to consult Wikipedia for more details. You can find it at many monasteries across the Eastern Roman world, including the holy font at the Hagia Sophia, the central church of Constantinople.

A floor tile mosaic showing two peacocks flanking a foundatin. Above the fountain is the Greek palindrome "ΝΙΨΟΝΑΝΟΜΗΜΑΤΑΜΗΜΟΝΑΝΟΨΙΝ".
A floor mosaic at the monastery of Panagia Malevi, image by Christina Kekka from Athens, GreeceLight correction by Basile Morin, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

In any case, the concept of ablution is also found in Buddhism and expresses a similar sentiment.

Buddhism has a popular custom whereby one performs some kind of ablution with water or incense before approaching a Buddhist altar to pray. It is not strictly required, but is commonly performed as a gesture of respect toward the Buddhist deity you are visiting by cleansing oneself at a superficial level. Within Japanese Buddhism, some sects encourage this more than others; from what I have learned Tendai Buddhism tends to emphasize this a lot, Pure Land Buddhist sects (e.g. Jodo Shu and Jodo Shinshu) do not. The emphasis varies, in other words.

But also ablution in Buddhism is not limited to the external ritual; we also the concept of repentance (e.g. “washing the soul”). This is not the same thing as Western religions, where someone begs God for forgiveness for transgressions committed. Instead, the Buddha strongly encouraged us to constantly evaluate our past conduct, and use the Dharma as a kind of yard-stick to measure them: were they skillful actions, or unskillful actions? Inevitably, one must confront their own unskillful actions. We all do. It is part of being a human being.

So, in Buddhism, many traditions have a ritual were people reflect on their past actions and renounce them, resolving to do better. It is encouraged to do this in front of a statue of the Buddha, and to repeat the liturgy out loud, not just in one’s mind:

All of the misdeeds I’ve committed in the past, are the result of my own greed [or craving], anger and delusion [or ignorance]. I renounce [or repent] these misdeeds.

Translations vary by community, this is just one example.

The idea is that by acknowledging and confessing one’s faults, one not only learns from one’s mistakes, one also potentially diminishes some negative karma that one has sown, and also prevents further self-harm (i.e. guilt, self-recrimination) by letting go and forgiving oneself.

So, just as the old Greek palindrome says, Buddhist practice is not only washing one’s face, but also one’s “soul”.2

Namu Shakamuni Nyorai

P.S. A common misunderstanding is the primary language in the Roman Empire was Latin. In fact, most of the population spoke Greek as their primary language, though this varied widely by region. This prevalence of Greek was both a leftover from the Hellenistic Age, but also because even Romans felt that Greek was a prestige language, and wealthy Romans hired Greek tutors for their children when possible. Julius Caesar’s famous “Et Tu Brute” quote was actually recited in Greek (Kai Su Teknon).

1 I prefer having hard copies of things, whenever possible.

2 Buddhism is somewhat unique among world religions in that it teaches the concept of “no-soul” (anatman), so by “soul” I don’t mean a literal soul, but the mind and one’s provisional self.

Live And Let Live

SPOCK: Insults are effective only where emotion is present.

Star Trek, “Who Mourns for Adonais?” (s2ep2), stardate 3468.1

SPOCK: Where there’s no emotion, there’s no motive for violence.

Star Trek, “Dagger of the Mind” (s1ep9), stardate 2715.1

I wrote about the Buddhist virtue of forbearance before, but I had an important reminder recently why this matters so much in Buddhist practice.

Our natural tendency is to hold a grudge when someone slights us, or when we have been wronged. This is normal human pattern of behavior. But, like self-doubt, this is a form of conceit, putting ourselves and our ego before others.

In the Dhammapada, a collection of sayings attributed to the Buddha and one of the very earliest Buddhist texts still preserved, the Buddha has much to say regarding the subject. For example:

133. Speak not harshly to anyone, for those thus spoken to might retort. Indeed, angry speech hurts, and retaliation may overtake you.

134. If, like a broken gong, you silence yourself, you have approached Nibbana [a.k.a. Nirvana, final Unbiding], for vindictiveness is no longer in you.

The Dhammapada, translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

The Buddha was uncompromising on this: no vengeance, lest you bring even further misery upon yourself.

Indeed, the Buddha taught by freeing oneself of ill-will and other negative emotions, one is liberated:

197. Happy indeed we live, friendly amidst the hostile. Amidst hostile men we dwell free from hatred.

198. Happy indeed we live, friendly amidst the afflicted (by craving). Amidst afflicted men we dwell free from affliction.

199. Happy indeed we live, free from avarice amidst the avaricious. Amidst the avaricious men we dwell free from avarice.

200. Happy indeed we live, we who possess nothing. Feeders on joy we shall be, like the Radiant Gods.

The Dhammapada, translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

Of course, this is easier said than done.

As with self-doubt or any negative emotion, stop and think like a Vulcan: assess the situation including your own feelings. Is this productive? Is it harmful? Is it based on conceit?

Spock in season 3 episode 21, the “Cloud Minders”, played by Leonard Nimoy

Many times, we are prone to act or lash out, but if we take a moment to assess our feelings, and the situation, we are more capable of handling it rationally. In so doing, we avoid further misery for ourselves and others.

When the ego is bruised, it demands attention and resolution. But that is short-sighted, and rarely fixes anything.

SEPTIMUS: Our way is peace.

Star Trek, the Son Worshiper, “Bread and Circuses” (s2ep25), stardate 4040.7.

A commitment toward peace and well-being towards others feels counter-intuitive at times, but peace toward others inevitably leads toward peace for oneself.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu

The Hero Of Our Own Story

A rich man thinks all other people are rich, and an intelligent man thinks all other people are similarly gifted. Both are always terribly shocked when they discover the truth of the world.

“I, Strahd” by P.N.Elrod

Another book I have been reading lately for Halloween is the novel I, Strahd, which is a fictional autobiography of the villain of the “Barovia” fantasy-gothic horror setting: Strahd von Zarovich. As an autobiography, Strahd talks about his origins and justifies why he’s such a monster, literally and figuratively. It was one of the most popular novels of the Ravenloft series that was published in the 1990’s to promote this venerable Dungeons and Dragons setting, and is a kind of “bible” for fans of the setting due to broad number of characters, helpful backstories, and compelling story.1

But I digress.

People naturally assume their values and beliefs are pristine because that’s all they ever know, and that others will naturally agree to them. They are then shocked to discover that other functional adults subscribe to very different beliefs. Their own world is briefly shattered or they feel threatened, and conclude that such adults are just stupid, insane or evil. What follows usually isn’t good.

Even when people claim they are open to discussion or free-thinkers, I am reminded of Dave Barry’s famous quote:

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Of course this applies to me as well. But on the other hand, I have to remind myself that I am not the center of the Universe. Whether I am actually right or not is irrelevant; I have to accept that not everyone comes to the same conclusions that I do, and I have no right to judge them for their views:

Gandalf: “Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise can not see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over.”

“Fellowship of the Ring”, by J.R.R. Tolkien

Hence the Dhammapada has the famous line:

Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.

Translation by Ven. Acharya Buddharakkhita

It doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with other people, but you have to accept the sheer variety of people, ideas and beliefs no matter how stupid they seem.

Spock: Madness has no purpose.  Or reason.  But it may have a goal.

Star Trek, “The Alternative Factor”, stardate 3088.7

You don’t have to give them oxygen either. Some ideas are better left dead. It’s about tolerance of people, not tolerance of bad ideas. Ideas are, like all phenomena, contingent and impermanent (Buddhism par excellence).

As soon as you begin to harbor ill-will toward others who are different, you will quickly spiral into a dark path of your own doing.

Namu Amida Butsu

P.S. I have a huge backlog of drafted posts lately, so you may see a few more this week. I hope you enjoy.

1 It is a terrific read, but I admit I still like Vampire in the Mists featuring his rival, the elf-vampire Jander Sunstar, even more. Strahd is definitely *not* the hero in that tale. Heart of Midnight was also an excellent read and a close third for me. To be honest, all the novels I’ve read int he series so far, even the less compelling ones, are still good reads.

Getting Older

Spock: Change is the essential process of all existence.

Star Trek, “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”, Stardate 5730.2

As I approach yet another birthday, and my kids are getting close to adulthood, I am definitely starting to see a change in my attitude toward life.

The character of Jeralt from Fire Emblem: Three Houses really sums it up nicely. My attitude has noticeably shifted this past year, especially after my time in the hospital in February, and I find I care a lot less about some things that were once important to me. I don’t mean this in a brooding or dismal sort of way. I am just so glad to be alive and well after that experience, and just being able to read my poetry from the Hyakunin Isshu, or playing Fire Emblem games1 makes me pretty happy lately. I keep my Buddhist routines small and sustainable as much as I can too.

My sense of ambition, something that really drove me in my twenties and thirties, has largely faded these days, and I am already looking forward to just being a nice grandad someday with my wife. Even certain recent goals I had don’t seem nearly as important as they were.

Is this part of the natural aging process? I am not sure. Maybe. Probably.

But it’s also nice being able to just let go and let life flow on, instead of constantly trying to wrestle with it, like punching a giant pile of dough into the shape you want, then getting frustrated when it loses its shape.

Of course, I still like to keep busy and still do self-improvement. I have just gradually narrowed my hobbies and personal goals to the ones I truly care about.

Namu Amida Butsu

1 I currently own five titles now. Three Houses is easily my favorite, but I also enjoy Awakening quite a bit, and Three Hopes. Fire Emblem: Engage is just disappointing. The crossover game, Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore, is also neat since you do get to tour parts of modern-day Tokyo, plus it’s pretty campy. I was lucky to get that game for less than half-price during my last trip to Japan.

Mindfulness Meditation Isn’t What You Think

Spock : “… I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you.”

Star Trek, “Plato’s Stepchildren” (s3ep10), Stardate 5784.2

Meditation, specifically mindfulness meditation, is touted as a stress-relief exercise. Busy people believe that if they can block out the time to meditate for X minutes a day, or when stressed, this will make more happy and productive. It has been all the rage in Silicon Valley too.

But it doesn’t work.

It will calm your mind while you are sitting, but as soon as you are back to work, your blood pressure will quickly rise again. Old habits will quickly resurface. Self-help, in short, does not help.

How do I know this?

I tried the same trick in my late 20’s. My first child was born, and I was working at Amazon (yes, that Amazon) for a few years in a technical support role. The environment was stressful, demanding, constantly on the move, the on-call rotation gave little time to decompress because something was always broken,1 and I had to drive into work at all hours of the night to try and fix it.

Since I had recently converted to Buddhism at the time, and listened to a lot of Ajahn Brahm dharma talks, I wanted to try meditation. We had a spare office that no one used, so I would go in there once or twice a day, turn off the lights, dutifully sit, chant certain Buddhist mantras, meditate for 20 minutes or more, and then return to work.

As soon as I was back at my desk, the stress would rise all over again. I kept at the meditation for months, almost a year, before I finally gave up.

The stress, constant sense of inadequacy measuring myself to hyper-competitive co-workers who graduated from Stanford, unrealistic work performance goals, fear of losing my job, and so on simply didn’t go away until I QUIT MY JOB AND TOOK A LESS DEMANDING ONE.2

It took me years as a Buddhist to finally realize that stress-relief is not what mindfulness meditation was intended for.

Mindfulness meditation is a tool to develop insight, not stress relief. It is necessary in the early stages of meditation to quiet the chatter in the mind, but that is just the first stage. It is to remove barriers to insight by develop a focused mind, and a quiet mind, a mind that can perceive things in a more balanced way. Consider this quote from the Buddha in a very early text, the Dhammapada:

  1. There is no meditative concentration for him who lacks insight, and no insight for him who lacks meditative concentration. He in whom are found both meditative concentration and insight, indeed, is close to Nibbana.
  2. The monk who has retired to a solitary abode and calmed his mind, who comprehends the Dhamma with insight, in him there arises a delight that transcends all human delights.
  3. Control of the senses, contentment, restraint according to the code of monastic discipline — these form the basis of holy life here for the wise monk.
Translation by Soma Thera from https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/dhp/dhp.25.budd.html

The emphasis is on focus, insight, and contemplation NOT relaxation or stress-relief. Mindfulness meditation has been repackaged and sold to naive Westerners with false promises. Meditation really does provide excellent benefits, but it has to be done as part of a much larger, holistic lifestyle change and with wholesome intentions. This is the “holy life” as described by the Buddha: a life of wholesome, guilt-free conduct, goodwill towards others, and a desire to pursue the Dharma (the teachings of the Buddha).

First, one should take up the Five Precepts of Buddhism. As we see in verse 374 above, the Buddha openly encourages that we curb our worst behaviors first as a foundation for other Buddhist practice. One will gain no lasting benefit from meditation until this is done. Full stop.

Second, one must approach meditation with the mindset of a monk. It is not necessary for lay-people to give up everything and go live in the woods. Buddhism accommodates both the “house-holder” lifestyle and that of a true renunciant (a.k.a. a monk or nun). But both the renunciant and the house-holder are expected to live a life of moderation and restraint.3 Easier said than done (speaking as a gamer and foodie), but it’s a goal to sincerely aspire to.

Speaking of restraint, one should always guard one’s speech. A long time ago, a Buddhist minister I admired once told me that speech was like toothpaste: once it was out of the tube, you couldn’t put it back. One has to learn to carefully monitor what one says both in person and online (and yes, at work). Again, easier said than done, but the alternative will only make your life miserable.

Finally, when such good foundations are established, meditation will help you learn more about yourself, and the world around you.4 It’s incredibly helpful, and life-changing when carried to fruition. I have my own little private insights that have stayed with me through the years, and I hope you will find yours too.

Namu Amida Butsu

Namu Shakamuni Butsu

P.S. if you feel the need to calm yourself right away, try something much simpler. You can recite the nembutsu, the Heart Sutra, a mantra, whatever. Try that for a minute, and see if that works. It is a band-aid fix though, and you still need to approach things from a holisitic standpoint, or you will gain no long-term benefit. Alternatively, just go for a walk.

1 Years later, the sound of a pager going off still triggers me a little bit. No joke.

2 Another ex-Amazonian who had joined the same company years earlier confided in me that after leaving Amazon, he drank himself stupid for months to decompress. I noticed that I was still on a hair-trigger for months after leaving Amazon, and it took me a while to unlearn those habits too. My wife noted that my posture improved after leaving, and that I grumbled about work less. Some jobs are simply not worth staying in.

3 The Buddha was pretty flexible about what exactly this meant, citing whatever cultural standards applied at the time as a benchmark. In short, a lot of it is rooted in common courtesy and good sense. If you cannot act toward others using common courtesy, meditation ain’t gonna fix your issue.

4 You may learn that your whole problem is that your job sucks, for example, and that the burn-out is not worth the money. Of course, if you’re a single mom caring for three kids, you have a lot fewer options available to you, and in such cases I recommend the nembutsu as a starting point.

Ego Unfettered

This article from the Guardian is a poignant reminder of what happens when you have power and money, and no restraint. The symbolism of a moldy mansion, rampant infections, and miserable people is not lost on readers either.

In an old bilingual book about Rinzai Zen I picked up at the airport in Japan once, the author described the normal, run-of-the-mill mind as the “mind that leads the mind astray” (mayowasu kokoro, 迷わす心):

この「迷わす心」はいくら自分の意識で落ち着こう、ものごとを客感的に見よう、判断しようとしても、思う通りにはいかない。

No matter how you try to calm this “mind that leads the mind astray” through your own efforts, and no matter how you try to see and judge things objectively, you are likely to fail.

page, 30-31

Until one has fully broken through to the state of awakening (e.g. Buddhahood, enlightenment, etc), one cannot fully trust one’s own mind, no matter how certain one is. The mind operates from a basis of ignorance, insufficient information, a single point of view, etc. It is a slippery slope from a mistaken assumption, or a selfish thought to a line of thought that leads one further and further astray. One thinks they are working towards their own happiness and well-being, but in the end may drag others down with them.

This sort of ego is also self-reinforcing:

Your habits always come hunting after you. The self you construct will haunt you. A ghost wandering around in search of your body, eager to possess you. We are addicted to the self we construct.

Frank Herbert, Chapterhouse: Dune (Dune, #6), also posted here.

Thus, an unrestrained mind is ultimately a disaster for oneself, and those around them. It can happen to any of us, given the right circumstances. Or, as the old Tears for Fears song goes:

Thus as is written in the Dhammapada:

375. Control of the senses, contentment, restraint according to the code of monastic discipline — these form the basis of holy life here for the wise monk.

376. Let him associate with friends who are noble, energetic, and pure in life, let him be cordial and refined in conduct. Thus, full of joy, he will make an end of suffering.

translation by Ven. Acharya Buddharakkhita

Better to know one’s limit, stay vigilant, and savor the moments you have.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu

Make Your Own Buddhist Sutra Book

Lately I’ve been talking a lot about home Buddhist practice, including home Buddhist services and such. These are things that devout lay-Buddhists often do (myself included), but then I realized I never talked about making one’s own sutra book.

There are a couple reasons why one might make their own.

First, Buddhist resources outside of Buddhist countries are hard to find. For someone like me who lives on a large city with a large Asian community this is not so hard. But if you lived in, say, rural Iowa, it might be a lot harder. So, sometimes you have to just DIY.

Second, it’s a nice way to personalize your Buddhist practice in a way that suits you.

I started making my own maybe about 9-10 years ago. I picked up a nice little Paperblanks notebook at the airport at the time, and I decided to collect Buddhist sutras and quotes that I liked. I started out small, just copying things now and then from sites like accesstoinsight.org, or copied from books.

This is a small quote from the Dhammapada :

And the Metta Sutta from the Pali Canon:

I also recorded Mahayana Buddhist sutras as well, such as this quote from chapter 5 of the Earth Store Bodhisattva Sutra:

I copied each of these by hand. I even tried to copy much longer texts, such as the 4th chapter of the Golden Light Sutra, which is a very beautiful prose about repentance and goodwill, but the text was much longer than I thought, and I eventually gave up halfway.

But eventually, around 2017-2018, when I left my old Jodo Shinshu-Buddhist community and started exploring other sects, I focused more on home practice and I started to add Japanese-style liturgies as well:

I also wrote specific sutra chants too, such as the Shiseige:

And chapter 2 of the Lotus Sutra:

As you can see from the featured photo above,1 I keep this sutra book on my home altar (bottom left in photo), and use it almost daily. A personal sutra book works best when it’s meaningful, simple and useful for you, so the important thing is to not do what other people do, but make it useful for yourself. Find sutras or Buddhist quotes you like, collect them into a notebook, and copy them by hand (word of advice, use a gel pen, not a ballpoint pen, it’s easier to read), and make it your own. There’s no wrong way to do it.

Further, the sutra book I made has gradually progressed over time, just as my own path and practice have and I still have more room to write things in the future.

1 You can also see my Buddhist rosary, a Tendai-style rosary I ordered online, along with a boxed copy of the Heart Sutra, which I got in 2023 while visiting Nara‘s Kofukuji Temple, one of my personal favorite.

Samu: the Buddhist Work Ethic

The Japanese-Buddhist phrase samu (作務) is often associated with Zen, and refers to a kind of Buddhist work ethic, especially for monks. While monks in ancient India were expected to beg for alms and focus exclusively on practice, when Buddhism reached China the criticism from native Confucian scholars about “lazy monks” forced a change toward self-sufficiency.

Thus monasteries in China developed a work-ethic that emphasized monastic work, and work as a Buddhist practice, however this was not universally practiced. Buddhist communities that adopted this ethic tended to survive the Buddhist purge of 845, and passed on such monastic rules to future communities in Korea, Japan and Vietnam.

I was surprised to learn that this tradition of samu wasn’t limited to Zen, though. I found an article (Google Translate version) about samu in Tendai Buddhism:

また、仏道に励む僧侶の世界でも日頃の修行として、これも昔から、一、作務(さむ) 二、勤行(ごんぎょう) 三、学門(がくもん)と言われてきました。

“Thus, even in the world of monks endeavoring on the Buddhist path, as a daily training, it has been said since antiquity that ‘first samu, second practice, and third knowledge.'”

As the article says, it’s tempting to see Buddhism in terms of meditation and such, but these are only part of the story. The work we do each day, whether that be parenting, office work, etc., is just as important, if not more important, than meditation. This is because our day to day activities, done in a Buddhist light, help train us bit by bit. 

Once one sees daily work in this way, and makes it a foundation for their Buddhist path, then adding home practice (gongyō) within this is a healthy thing to do.

I mention this, because it’s tempting to see work, parenting and such as getting in the way of Buddhist practice, because we tend to hold an unrealistic view of how Buddhism is practiced. But this is a problem that past generations solved long ago by realigning daily obligations into a more Buddhist context.

The work we do benefits others, even if we are just doing it to pay bills, or out of obligation. Right livelihood is also one facet of the Noble Eightfold Path.

Instead of treating Buddhism as a way to escape our problems, we are encouraged to embrace our life as it is and make it a Buddhist one.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu

1 Even in the Buddha’s time, the monks were carefully instructed not to beg for alms after early morning, to reduce the burden on the lay community. Further whatever they received was meant to last them the whole day.

Pop Spirituality

backlit beach dawn dusk
Photo by Cedric Lim on Pexels.com

“Pop spirituality” is a term some people use to describe this kind of vapid spirituality that relies on things that seem to make people “feel good”, but don’t really provide any lasting self-improvement. Like eating a bag of potato chips.

Balthazar: Greetings, Bricksburgians. Welcome to the Palace of Infinite Reflection, a self-reeducation celebrity center. Namaste.

Unikitty: Ooh! Sounds spiritual.

Balthazar: It is so spiritual.

The Lego Movie 2

Buddhism is frequently used (abused?) in pop spirituality circles because it is seen as inoffensive, non-threatening and therefore “safe” to explore without real commitment. I won’t even get into the plethora of fake Buddha quotes that appear in books and online.

I feel that this is doing a disservice to the Buddhist tradition (all 2500+ years of it), and the many generations of the past who carried it forward, made it work in their environment, and tried to apply the Buddha’s teachings the best they could. For example, when people use it as a way to get ahead in their (self-imposed) stressful lifestyle, without stepping back to analyze why they are in this predicament, or how they are contributing to it, they have kinda missed the point. If they show off on social media how spiritual they are, they have kinda missed the point.

Religions of all kinds typically demand something from the devout. They are asked to follow certain guidelines or religious proscriptions, or uphold certain obligations such as pilgrimages, study, etc. People may see this as a form of control, but as with anything worthwhile in life, it’s about commitment, humility and willingness to make small sacrifices.

In the same way, a diet where you’re not actually doing any dieting, isn’t much of diet. You satisfy the short-term cravings, but you still end up overweight and right back where you started.

So, when exploring a religion (including Buddhism), take time to familiarize yourself with the tradition and not just the parts that make you feel good. Consider why they are there, and what long-term benefits to yourself (and those around you) they bring. Any religion you look at will have all kinds of historical anachronisms, weird traditions, and other oddities, but chances are, they exist for a reason. One does not need to accept them at face-value, though, but it’s important to make informed decisions.

If you apply even some of those traditions, you may find that you will be happier in the long-run.

Edit, October 2023: cleaned up this article a lot. Proofreading 3 years later really helps. 😉