Tag: Edelgard

Eight Hour Monk

SPOCK: There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created. It is almost a biological rebellion. A profound revulsion against the planned communities, the programming, the sterilised, artfully balanced atmospheres. They hunger for an Eden where spring comes.

Star Trek, “The Way to Eden” (s3e20), Stardate 5832.3

As I write this, the family is in Japan (sadly, I was unable to go this year) visiting relatives, and I am home with the dog, Cherry.

Since I have a couple weeks to myself, I thought it would be a great time to put in a little extra Buddhist practice, catch up on some personal projects, go offline for a bit, etc. Basically, try to live like a monk for a few days. I carefully planned it out, decided what I would do and not do, took a three days off from work, and then got ready for the “mini home retreat”.

I lasted eight hours.

The first few hours were great. It was peaceful, quiet, and I did finish reading a couple books on my to-do list, meditated extra, recited more sutras than usual, and so on. But then, as the hours progressed, isolation and boredom set in. I started worrying if I was missing a text from my family (in case of emergencies), and I discovered that it’s hard to read Japanese books without a dictionary which I only have on my phone.

Embarrassingly by early afternoon I gave up and turned on my phone. Then I went and played Fire Emblem: Three Houses for a few hours,1 watched Star Trek V: The Final Frontier2 for some crazy reason, got bored and played more Fire Emblem until 11pm.

Day two, I didn’t even really bother to try again. I realized that I had hyped up this time off too much, and without any support or contact with others, I quickly started to get a little stir-crazy. That’s not to say the time wasn’t unproductive either. Even today (day two), I still got some extra stuff done around the house, and did a little more Buddhist stuff than usual. But I also played Fire Emblem: Three Houses for three hours.

τὸ μὲν πνεῦμα πρόθυμον, ἡ δὲ σὰρξ ἀσθενής.
“Indeed the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Matthew 26:40-43 with original Koine Greek

Indeed, in the Sutra on the Buddha of Immeasurable Life, one of the Three Pure Land sutras, the Buddha Shakyamuni laments that:

“People of the world, being weak in virtue, engage in strife over matters which are not urgent….Since they have not done any good in particular, nor followed the Way, nor acted virtuously, when they die, they will depart alone to an inferior world. Although they are destined to different states of existence, none of them understands the law of karma3 that sends them there.”

Translation by the late Hisao Inagaki, hosted here.

So, the problem of laziness and lack of follow-through in religious practices (or personal projects) is nothing new. Even in Japanese, there is a phrase: mikka bōzu (三日坊主) meaning “three day monk”. It’s a tongue-in-cheek phrase about how most endeavors last three days at most.

In my case, I think my failure was a combination of over-zealousness and perfectionism which set the bar too high for something I am not really used to doing day to day. The idea of a religious personal retreat is still worth it, but I should have set the bar lower the first time, and tried to be a bit more realistic.

The point isn’t to give up and just play more Fire Emblem (but then again, I might anyway), but reflect on what worked, and what didn’t and focus on something realistic and sustainable. As Dogen reminds us, it can be done, but expecting it to work overnight if I just push through hard enough is maybe a bit silly.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu

P.S. Bonus post. Apologies for any typos, I wrote this one quickly while it was still fresh in my mind, so probably more editing mistakes than usual.

P.P.S. On the plus side, I also had some time to practice vegetarian cooking and made a large batch of Mapo Tofu, Pasta Mama (in honor of Captain Pike in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds), and some Thai curry. This photo is the Mapo Tofu:

… I also harvested the scallions I’ve been growing since Spring:

1 I am on my eighth play-through I think. I am finally going back and replaying my first route, Crimson Flower route (i.e. with Edelgard) and doing things I missed on my first play-through. It’s been nearly two years, and I still enjoy this game very much. The story, dialogue, characters and world-building never cease to amaze me.

2 I think I watched it to remember why this movie is so unpopular. It has some good qualities to it, but yeah, it’s not very good. As a teenager, I watched it in the theaters and thought it a bit odd, but it’s not aged well for me.

3 For similar teaching, see the first chapter of the Soto Zen text, the Shushogi.

The Demise of Lady Edelgard

I finished my second play-through of Fire Emblem: Three Houses this weekend, the Verdant Wind route. My first play-through was through the Crimson Flower route (e.g. the Black Eagles) and it was a beautiful story, but seeing Edelgard from another perspective, and especially her demise, really hit me hard.

Seeing the many sides of Lady Edelgard truly made me appreciate her the way I might appreciate a figure from a Greek tragedy.

Warning: further spoilers ahead.

Of the three lords in Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Edelgard was the most ambitious, but also incredibly charming. Even her most trusted retainer, Hubert, had a love/hate relationship with her: deeply devoted but also afraid of her power, and her willingness to make morally questionable choices. Most routes through the game don’t really delve into why she is like this until you get to the Crimson Flower route.

There, over time, you learn of her manipulation by powerful relatives (and their dark allies), or her suffering by their experiments,1 and also the loss of her siblings. In the end, she decides to take control of her fate, and the fate of all of Fódlan, in her hands.

The game designers wisely avoided making her a Mary Sue type character. Instead, she makes some very tough and cruel decisions when necessary.

Further, there’s no denying that through her leadership, she unleashes terrible destruction and death to achieve her aims. She knows that her path will be a dark and bloody one, and decides to walk it anyway, believing that the ends justify the means.

“No. The Edelgard who shed tears died years ago.”

And yet, despite her tough exterior, she also never completely loses her humanity.

She is devoted to her fellow students, and to Byleth, and devoted to a future where the old aristocracy and the Church are overthrown and everyone can be equal. In spite of her cold exterior, when Byleth falls in the Crimson Flower route, she sheds many tears.

She even grieves for Dmitri, even if she tries to hide it.

Edelgard was the ardent revolutionary of the game,2 and whether you liked her or not, she drove the story, and she commanded genuine admiration and respect from her peers, and from players like myself. It is sad that in most game routes she suffers a tragic ending one way or another, when all she wanted to do was prevent others from suffering the same fate that she did. Her choice in methods of course is where people might disagree (and do), but in the end she was still a human being, not a two-dimensional villain, and her humanity, flaws and all, is what makes her such a compelling character.

If that doesn’t feel like a Greek tragedy, I don’t know what is.

P.S. Amazing voice acting by Tara Platt, by the way. She really brought Edelgard to life.

P.P.S. I still have two more routes to go.

1 In the Verdant Wind route, Lysithea implies that Edelgard suffered much as she did through those experiments. That explains their similar hair color, and it makes me wonder if Edelgard similarly suffers from a shorter lifespan, though this is never explored.

2 Arguably, Claude is also a revolutionary, but he also had the luxury of being able to wash his hands of the messier aspects whenever he wanted to. That said, Claude is the “bro” that everyone needs in their life, and I really liked his story route ending too, especially since in my play-through he ended up marrying Leonie which was a pleasant surprise.