Spock: Change is the essential process of all existence.

Star Trek, “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield”, Stardate 5730.2

As I approach yet another birthday, and my kids are getting close to adulthood, I am definitely starting to see a change in my attitude toward life.

The character of Jeralt from Fire Emblem: Three Houses really sums it up nicely. My attitude has noticeably shifted this past year, especially after my time in the hospital in February, and I find I care a lot less about some things that were once important to me. I don’t mean this in a brooding or dismal sort of way. I am just so glad to be alive and well after that experience, and just being able to read my poetry from the Hyakunin Isshu, or playing Fire Emblem games¹ makes me pretty happy lately. I keep my Buddhist routines small and sustainable as much as I can too.

My sense of ambition, something that really drove me in my twenties and thirties, has largely faded these days, and I am already looking forward to just being a nice grandad someday with my wife. Even certain recent goals I had don’t seem nearly as important as they were.

Is this part of the natural aging process? I am not sure. Maybe. Probably.

But it’s also nice being able to just let go and let life flow on, instead of constantly trying to wrestle with it, like punching a giant pile of dough into the shape you want, then getting frustrated when it loses its shape.

Of course, I still like to keep busy and still do self-improvement. I have just gradually narrowed my hobbies and personal goals to the ones I truly care about.

Namu Amida Butsu

¹ I currently own five titles now. Three Houses is easily my favorite, but I also enjoy Awakening quite a bit, and Three Hopes. Fire Emblem: Engage is just disappointing. The crossover game, Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE Encore, is also neat since you do get to tour parts of modern-day Tokyo, plus it’s pretty campy. I was lucky to get that game for less than half-price during my last trip to Japan.