Letting Go of Expectations of Others

Spock: No one can guarantee the actions of another.

Star Trek, “Day of the Dove” (s3ep7), stardate unknown

The third season of the classic TV series, Star Trek, gets a lot of flak for being lower in quality, but some of the best episodes of the series can be found there. One of my personal favorites is “Day of the Dove”.

The premise is strange at first glance: the Enterprise crew and a group of Klingon prisoners are trapped on the Enterprise by a phantasmal alien that feeds on anger and conflict, which keeps manipulating both sides in order to instigate them into hopeless, unending cycle of conflict. The alien furnishes weapons, seals corridors, plants false memories, and heals fatal injuries all so that the Enterprise crew and Klingons fight can ad infinitum, even as the ship is hurling out of control beyond the edge of the galaxy.

There’s a lot to unpack in this episode, and much of it still relates to circumstances today. But I’ll let you the reader decide for yourself.

In any case, Spock’s quote above illustrates something very Buddhist in my opinion: people expect other people to think and feel the way they do. When they don’t, we get frustrated. We naturally tend to see our own viewpoint as “pristine” and the more other’s deviate from this, the weirder or aberrant they are. We get frustrated when we they don’t do what we expect them to do. This can also happen between spouses, co-workers, and so on.

But as Spock rightly implies, this is arrogant, irrational, and dare I say “illogical”. We are not the center of the Universe, why should other people think and do as we do?

In the classic Buddhist text, the Dhammapada, are the following verses:

131. One who, while himself seeking happiness, oppresses with violence other beings who also desire happiness, will not attain happiness hereafter.
     
132. One who, while himself seeking happiness, does not oppress with violence other beings who also desire happiness, will find happiness hereafter.
     
133. Speak not harshly to anyone, for those thus spoken to might retort. Indeed, angry speech hurts, and retaliation may overtake you.
     
134. If, like a broken gong, you silence yourself, you have approached Nibbana,¹ for vindictiveness is no longer in you.

[skipping for brevity…]

142. Even though he be well-attired [instead of dressed like a humble monk], yet if he is poised, calm, controlled and established in the holy life, having set aside violence towards all beings — he, truly, is a holy man, a renunciate, a monk.

translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

Oftentimes, it is simply better to let go, let people be who they are, even if they are wrong or short-sighted, and wish them no harm.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu
Namu Amida Butsu

¹ Nibbana is the Pali-style pronunciation of Nirvana. Both mean the same thing in a Buddhist context: liberation, unbinding, freedom. A Buddha’s awakening to the truth (e.g. enlightenment) leads to a state of letting go, unbinding. The Buddha Shakyamuni described it as a flame extinguished.