Meditation and Back Pain

Since May when I started taking up Zen practice more actively, I’ve been meditating more or less pretty regularly since then. Not quite daily, but several times a week usually. This has highlighted something I didn’t expect: back pain.

Back pain is nothing new to me. I have worked a desk job for many years, so my back often hurts, and I don’t get enough exercise. My back problems are not severe, and don’t require surgery or anything, and I have tried a few things to solve them: new office chairs, Tiger Balm, Chinese medicine pads, yoga, acupuncture, ibuprofen, etc. Each of these helps a little bit, but the problem recurs over and over again. Simply bending down to take out something from the refrigerator can trigger it, but so did Zen meditation.

Meditation sometimes triggers lower back pain for me if I sat incorrectly. But also posture. I tried doing a half-lotus posture, but that quickly caused too much discomfort (full lotus posture is right out), so I usually sit in the “Burmese posture“. This is usually good enough, but even so, if I posture isn’t good, my back hurts more and more. If I already had back pain, it aggravates it. In such cases, I usually have to stop meditation for a few days while my back recovers.

I started to despair that I would never find relief.

Finally, I decided to try some physical-therapy exercises to strengthen my core muscles. I found this helpful website that provides a routine that a person should do once or twice a day (twice if possible). I started this about four weeks ago, sometimes once a day, sometimes twice a day. I also added 15 squats as part of this routine to make my knees stronger.¹ After the first week, the pain in my back had noticeably diminished. By the end of the second week, my posture and back pain greatly improved. I felt much more sturdy when going up and down stairs.

Meditation too hurts a lot less. Sometimes I still get back pain, but both the severity and duration are much shorter now.

Again, to emphasize, my back problems are pretty minor and don’t require surgery or anything, but simply doing about 10 minutes daily of physical therapy type exercises to strengthen my core has had many little benefits, both for meditation and for general quality of life.

But don’t ask this old man to do half-lotus position… 😋

P.S. Taking a break next week on blogging. I need to catch up on some drafts, do some reading, etc. Plus it’s my birthday. 🥳 See you next time!

¹ I have also been dieting more actively to help reduce physical weight of my body on my bones and back.

Back to Nature

SPOCK: There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created. It is almost a biological rebellion. A profound revulsion against the planned communities, the programming, the sterilised, artfully balanced atmospheres. They hunger for an Eden where spring comes.
Star Trek, “The Way to Eden” (s3e20), Stardate 5832.3

世の中よ道こそなけれ思ひ入る山の奥にも鹿ぞ鳴くなる。

Within this world there is, indeed, no path! Even deep in this mountains I have entered, heart set, I seem to hear the deer cry!
Poem 83 of the Hyakunin Isshu, translation by Joshua Mostow

Recently, I came back from a camping trip, the last for our family before my daughter goes off to college. It was both good and bad. We stayed at Moran State Park on Orcas Island, Washington. I had been to Orcas Island a number of times over the years, but I had never really stayed there for personal reasons, so it was nice to explore at leisure for a change.

Cascade Lake near our campsite, which was very pristine and peaceful in the mornings. Our dog, Cherry, liked exploring here.

The so-called “Indian Island” in Eastsound bay. This area was once a village belonging to a Salish people called the Lummi (official homepage), who grew *camassia* crops on that islet. A combination of disease from Westerners and raids by northern Salish tribes drove them to the mainland. That lone pine tree feels like a momument to the Lummi to me…

A view from Mount Constitution, the highest peak on Orcas Island, facing eastward towards Washington State. I visited here many years ago as a kid on a school camping trip, but don’t remember much.

I posted the Star Trek quote above, not just because it sounds cool, but it does explore a side of us all: yearning for the simple country life. We all feel that revulsion toward modern life, and want to escape, yet even just after a couple days of camping in the woods, the smell of body-odor, noise from neighboring campers,¹ and lack of food variety, Internet access, and electricity made us really eager to go back home. Even with modern amenities like gas stoves, freezer coolers and ready-made food (including instant ramen), it quickly gets old.

It wasn’t just me either. There was a lone woman camping just next to us. She brought her dog, and a stack of books to read, and seemed like an experienced camper, but it was clear that she wasn’t finding the solace she sought, and spent most of her time away from campsite to (presumably) find a quieter spot.

The fabled Eden sounds nice, but such a bucolic past probably never existed. Pre-modern life was in reality hard, exhausting, and safety was not always guaranteed.

Yet, modern life has its own challenges and dangers too. We might not die from dysentery anymore, but we often suffer obesity, isolation, and constant anxiety. We might not starve like our ancestors did, but we also eat some egregiously bad food thanks to mass-production and chemicals (including microplastics). Similarly, our fellow Man has replaced natural predators as the threat to our lives.

I don’t want to downplay the benefits of modern life, though.

The average² lifespan of a human being in the 21st century is significantly longer than before. My little incident a couple years ago likely would have killed me before modern medicine. Dying in one’s forties was not uncommon in the pre-modern era. But the dangers of modern life are still there but now more subtle, yet catch up to us eventually.

In short, life is a struggle, no matter how long we live. Getting to old age without suffering any major health issues is something to be grateful for, but even more important is how you choose to live your life up to that point. As the Zen aphorism goes: every day is (sort of) a good day, so enjoy the moment, and try to live with some element of dignity and free of regrets.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu

¹ There was a very rude family camped next to us. The mom kept yelling and swearing at her two toddler children, who in turn were constantly crying and talking back … at 4am in the morning. Ironically, the lady had a “Live Laugh Love” bumper sticker on her car.

² The keyword here is “average”. A person in pre-modern times some people did live to their 80’s or 90’s, but the odds were against them. A single scratch leading to an infection, or a crippling injury, or a genetic precondition that we can treat now would often kill a younger person. So, if you did manage to live to a ripe old age, it was indeed a cause for celebration.

Vengeance

MCCOY: What if you decide he is Kodos? What then? Do you play God, carry his head through the corridors in triumph? That won’t bring back the dead, Jim.
KIRK: No, but they may rest easier.
Star Trek, “The Conscience of the King” (s1ep13), Stardate 2817.6

In the game Fire Emblem: Three Houses, one of the three main characters you interact with is the prince of Faerghus, Dimitri, who has suffered terrible tragedy in the youth. Behind his veneer of civility, he is gradually losing his mind.

He cannot get past the loss of his loved ones, and is determined to kill Edelgard personally, whom he blames for all his misery. Depending on which story path you choose in the game, Dimitri’s fate, and the fate of everyone he drags down with him, is very tragic indeed.

Dmittri in the “Azure Moon” route of *Fire Emblem: Three Houses*

The Buddha saw through this death-spiral of vengeance and hatred, and how utterly pointless it was:

“He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
The Dhammapada, verse 3, translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

Indeed, ill-will is one of the Five Hindrances, and can only be countered by goodwill. But what happens when someone has been genuinely hurt and abused by someone else?

Dimitri at an earlier point in the game.

Dimitri suffered terrible loss and hardship in his youth due to the political machinations outside his control, and the pain and grief are genuine, not something you can just wish away, or use platitudes to make it better. It’s not hard for readers to think back to moments of trauma in their own lives (I have my fair share), and feel raw anger, rage, or sadness (why did this happen to me? why do I have to live with these scars for the rest of my life?).

If you pick the story path that sides with Dimitri, there is a happier fate for him. I don’t want to spoil too much, but through his friends (including you, the main player), he learns to unravel his past and gradually learns to look forward toward the future his kingdom including a dramatic moment with Edelgard.

Thus, I think what the Buddha says in the Dhammapada is true: vengeance, anger and bitterness are indeed self-destructive, but if the trauma and pain are real, they can be very difficult to let go. It is too raw and painful to simply dismiss with logic and reason. But, in Dimitri’s case, support from loved ones helps him through the darkest moments, and helped him let go. He learned not to face it alone, and grew from it.

With whatever trauma you have to live through, I hope you dear readers find similar resolve and happiness.

Keeping a Level Head

McCoy: Illogical? Did you get a look at that Juliet? That’s a pretty exciting creature. Of course your, uh, personal chemistry would prevent you from seeing that. Did it ever occur to you that he might like the girl?

Spock: It occurred. I dismissed it.

McCoy: You would.
Star Trek, “The Conscience of the King” (s1ep12), Stardate 2817.6

This quote is very Buddhist to me. Spock is aware of fine-looking ladies (including his ex, T’Pring), but isn’t ruffled by them.¹ This self-mastery, regardless of whether you’re a man or woman, old or young, rich or poor, is very much what the Buddha taught:

25. By effort and heedfulness, discipline and self-mastery, let the wise one make for himself an island which no flood can overwhelm.
The Dhammapada, translation by Acharya Buddharakkhita

The Buddha (a.k.a. Shakyamuni) greatly stressed the importance of a disciplined mind. Elsewhere in the Dhammapada, the Buddha warned that the mind was the source of all happiness or unhappiness, and that much of our problems were self-inflicted. A disciplined mind, by contrast, reins in the chaotic nature of the mind, and avoids these self-inflicted issues. Enlightenment was an inevitable outcome of such practice, but it also had more immediate benefits as well to oneself and those around you.

Take myself. I love food. I have been overweight for many years, and get lectured by my doctor about it yearly. They are right of course, but I have poor willpower and often can’t resist snacking. Even after my medical emergency last year, when I lost a lot weight, I gained it back (and then some) within half a year. As I get older, the threat of medical problems stemming from these poor eating habits only grows.

So, these days, I have to keep myself from eating too many snacks. I have years of health-neglect to make up for, and so I often spend my days constantly hungry as I try to claw back my weight to a more reasonable level. It’s not easy. I have to stop during dinner and remind myself that I’ve eaten enough, I have to limit my snacks to a couple chips, and not the whole bag. I have to remind myself that I don’t have to eat junk food today, because there’s always another opportunity down the road. And so on.

I say all this to make a point: our mundane minds are easily ruffled by things good (hot girls and food) as well as bad (annoying people, existential threats to the Republic, etc). It’s not about blocking them out, or spacing out somehow. It’s about acknowledging these things, and then being level-headed about it.

This is waaaaayyyyyy easier said than done, but any effort toward this end is an investment well spent.

Namu Shakamuni Butsu

P.S. More posts on the subject.

¹ well … usually. Space flowers are another matter.

Spock being sprayed by the mind-controlling pollen of a space flower in *This Side of Paradise* (s1ep24), stardate 3417.3

Madness

SPOCK: Jim, madness has no purpose or reason, but it may have a goal.
Star Trek, “Alternative Factor” (s1ep25), Stardate: 3087.6

I was going to write something based on this excellent quote, but then the good folks at Extra History published this fascinating and hilarious video about Goodwin Wharton (1653 – 1704), and his autobiography describing his secret life as the King of the Faeries, unbeknownst to the rest of the world:

There is also a great blog post from 2015 that goes into more details.

It’s kind of baffling that someone like this could be a (more or less) functional individual yet also be completely consumed by their own fantasy, and so totally divorced from reality. Goodwin Wharton had goals, per Spock’s comment, though. However, Wharton was totally devoid of both reason and purpose. He was just quietly living out his fantasy life as “King of Faeries”.

It kind of makes one wonder how many more such people exist in a world like this. Would we even recognize them?

Thinking further on this, could any one of us be living in such fantasies? Could I, the writer of this blog, be similarly devoid of reality? I assume “no” of course, but then again, how would I even know? Are my personal goals just further extension of my own madness?

Looking at it form a Buddhist standpoint, our understanding of the world around us is obscured by ignorance, or misconceptions, which become the foundation of how we interact with the world. In a loose sense, this can be a form of madness, but most of us are functional adults with varying degrees of emotional maturity.

Further, we do have the capacity to ask ourselves, “is this the right thing to do?” or “does this even make sense?”. I think that ability to analyze ourselves is what helps counterbalance ignorance and madness. Further, the Dharma, that which is taught by the Buddhas, is meant to act as a kind of benchmark for one’s actions. It doesn’t what you think is right, if it aligns with the principles of the Dharma, than it is considered skillful, wise, and conducive to liberation and well-being. The Buddha doesn’t decide this, it is just how things work.

Conversely, those who never bother to analyze themselves, though, can go through life in a single trajectory and not realize their mistake. Just like Goodwin Wharton…

P.S. I felt like posting a bonus episode today since it is Spring Ohigan week. Please enjoy the weather and have a great weekend! 😊

Losing A Coworker

This wasn’t the post I was intending to publish today, but on Tuesday everyone at my company was notified that a well-known and well-liked member had unexpectedly died. I didn’t know him as well as some of my coworkers did, but I worked with him enough that I definitely feel the loss. Even more so for my teammates.

I am a little past middle-age, only a few years younger than my deceased co-worker, and I have to face the fact that my health will continue to decline. The emergency surgery I had last year was a close call, and it’s a reminder that this kind of thing may come up again. I can improve my diet and exercise (work in progress) and it is worthwhile, but decline will still happen inevitably. There is no avoiding this.

This really reminds me of is the famous Buddhist parable from the Lotus Sutra, chapter three: The Parable of the Burning House. You can read a good translation here (it’s the second half of chapter 3), or my other post here.

In summary,¹ the Parable describes a large, but old and rotten mansion that has caught on fire. Inside are dozens of children, and they are so engrossed in their toys and play that they don’t notice that the house is engulfed in flames. Meanwhile, the father is outside calling out to the children begging them to get out where it is safe, but initially they refuse. The Buddha likens himself to the father, calling to his children (other sentient beings of the world),² exhorting them to leave the burning world behind before it is too late.

A screenshot from Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, where Link is on a floating island looking out over a sunset landscape. — A screenshot from the game *Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom*.

As one ages, that sense of “too late” looms more and more. What if, like my coworker, I drop dead next week? It’s unlikely now, but will get increasingly likely as time goes on. Thus, it is essential to settle your affairs, both temporal and spiritual, before it is too late.

And yet, as Lady Izumi wrote, this is easier said than done.

Namu Amida Butsu

¹ There is more to this parable that what I am summarizing here, especially relating to the myriad Buddhist practices and such, but am focusing on the part that is pertinent for this post.

² From the same chapter:

The Thus Come One [the Buddha] has already left the burning house of the threefold world [i.e. the Universe as a whole] and dwells in tranquil quietude in the safety of forest and plain. But now this threefold world is all my domain, and the living beings in it are all my children.

The Value of Friendship

Finishing the last chapters of Roger Zelazny’s A Night in the Lonesome October, I wanted to post this quote:

Greymalk: “Damned if I know, Snuff. Does anybody really care about a hungry cat, except for a few friends?”

Snuff: “Maybe that’s all anybody ever has, no matter how the big show is run.”

Recently, someone at work told me a story. They took some time off and returned to their native home of Bosnia, and visited family and friends that they hadn’t seen in years. Every morning, they sat and enjoyed Turkish-style coffee with friends and family and just talked. When they came back to work, they told the rest of us that sometimes the best therapy is to just sit and talk with loved ones over coffee. Of course, this doesn’t cure everything, but even just getting into a routine of talking with loved ones face to face on a regular basis can do much to help one’s wellbeing.

My wife, kids and I try to sit for dinner every night when possible. My oldest is just about ready to leave for college, so this time will not last much longer, and we rarely ever talk about anything serious, but it’s nice to just share whatever interesting thing happened that day. Once our oldest leaves the nest, things will certainly change around the house.¹

In any case, even in the most turbulent times, amidst all the chaos, sometimes all you can do is just foster relationships with the people around you. Just simply being around trusted people is a good start.

¹ In the office too, those times when I could sit and chat with trusted co-workers were kind of nice even if corporate office life kind of sucked. Being laid off during the early Pandemic, and then working at a new place has cut me off from that experience because I still work from home (too many people hired during Pandemic, not enough office space). Working from home has its benefits too, but the isolation comes at a cost.

Mental Health and Fire Emblem

Since I started playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses, I have been continuously impressed with how well-written and relatable the cast of characters is. But there’s more to it.

Early in the story, when you first meet the other characters and students, many come off as quirky, annoying or just mean. However, as you progress in the game and get to know them through dialogues (e.g. “supports”), you learn more about why they are the way they are. Why is Dorothea such a good-digger? Why is Felix such a jerk? Why is Marianne so gloomy, Lysithea a workaholic, Sylvain a womanizer, and so on.

What you learn over time is that many of these characters, even the more stable ones, have some kind of personal trauma or persistent fear that’s driving their lives. Some characters have more crippling mental health issues, while some just hide their pain better than others.

After playing through a game like this, it’s not hard to see that many people around you are almost certainly suffering from some past traumas or persistent mental health problems. The degree or nature of that problem is different for each person, and some people hide it better than others, but I bet if you scratch the surface you will see it.

Of course, this applies to ourselves too. Past traumas, emotional pain and lingering, persistent mental habits color our behavior on a daily basis.

I grew up as the eldest son of a single mom in a conservative community in the 1980’s, and experienced plenty of bullying and ostracism as a result, while trying to grow up fast and help the family.¹ I have no doubt this colors my behavior today. Seeing my grandmother dead from cancer at age 57 on the hospital bed two days after Thanksgiving in 1990 still comes back to me every November.

But there’s more to this.

As the game progresses, and through increased interaction, many of the characters open up about their pain and trauma to others and from this they find kindred spirits, or they gain new perspectives. It doesn’t erase the past, but oftentimes it helps them find closure, or get the support they needed.

In Buddhism, we revere the Sangha (the community) as one of the three treasures, along with the Buddha (teacher) and the Dharma (the teachings). The Sangha is essential in Buddhism because people can’t do it alone. The Buddha recognized from the beginning that people need one another, and can support one another.

I love how Edelgard may appear as a villain at first glance, but then there are moments like these…

Even when the Sangha has its fair share of dickheads and scallywags, the mutual support people offer one another is part of the therapy that Buddhism offers. This isn’t limited to Buddhism, by the way; one can find solace in any religious community. My other grandmother was a devout Lutheran and would go to her local church every Sunday for many years.

It’s just that Buddhism overtly recognizes that everyone suffers from mental health problems on some level, which are given fancy terms like kleshas in Sanskrit, or bonnō in Japanese, but also that there aren’t easy solutions. It’s a long slow process, and it requires a mutual support network.

It’s scary to share one’s pain with others, or even with yourself,² but it can really take a heavy load off you, and help provide new perspectives. You don’t have to force it either. As you spend time with others, people naturally start to open up over time. There’s no magic here, it’s just simply that people need one another, and this is how we find peace and wellbeing.

Namu Amida Butsu

¹ a little bit like Jonathan Byers in Stranger Things, minus all the weird extra-dimensional stuff. Maybe. 😋

² sometimes a personal journal or an anonymous blog can really work wonders.

Nanakusa: Holiday of Seven Herbs

A small bowl of rice porridge with various greens mixed in.

As readers may have noticed from past posts, I have posted about certain traditional Japanese holidays, called sekku (節句). Examples included Girls Day (March 3rd), Children’s Day (May 5th), Tanabata (July 7th) and Day of the Chrysanthemum (September 9th). The last holiday on my list is actually the first on the calendar: Nanakusa (七草) which literally just means “seven grasses / herbs”. More formally it’s called jinjitsu no sekku (人日の節句, “day of the human”) as we’ll see shortly.

This holiday is surprisingly old, with origins in ancient custom in southern China whereby people would cook seven herbs as a porridge on the 7th day after the Chinese new year. It also relates to the Chinese lunar calendar, where the first seven days of the year were designated as rooster, dog, boar, sheep, ox, horse and human, the first six being animals of the zodiac. Since the seventh day was (for some reason) marked as the day of the human, criminal punishments were not executed on this day.

The custom of eating a seven-herb porridge carried over to Japan as nanakusa-gayu (七草がゆ), though in some households more than others. I had it once many years ago when we were first married, and visited my wife’s family home in December-January. I saw a bunch of roots and herbs in the kitchen, like the ones shown above, but didn’t give it much thought. The next day, we were served nanakusa-gayu porridge for breakfast. It has a pretty bland in taste, but that was how I learned about Nanakusa.

According to the Wikipedia article, the seven herbs are:

Old Japanese Name	Modern Name	English	Scientific
芹 (せり) seri	セリ seri	Japanese parsley	Oenanthe javanica
薺 (なずな) nazuna	ナズナ nazuna	Shepherd’s purse	Capsella bursa-pastoris
御形 (ごぎょう) gogyō	ハハコグサ (母子草) hahakogusa	Cudweed	Pseudognaphalium affine
繁縷 (はこべら) hakobera	コハコベ (小蘩蔞) kohakobe	Chickweed	Stellaria media
仏の座 (ほとけのざ) hotokénoza	コオニタビラコ (小鬼田子) koonitabirako	Nipplewort	Lapsanastrum apogonoides
菘 (すずな) suzuna	カブ (蕪) kabu	Turnip leaves	Brassica rapa
蘿蔔 (すずしろ) suzushiro	ダイコン (大根) daikon	daikon radish	Raphanus sativus var. longipinnatus

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Of these seven herbs, I’ve eaten turnips and Japanese daikon radish regularly, but the other five are pretty obscure to me. I doubt most Japanese would easily remember them off-hand either. Supposedly there is a song that is sometimes sung while facing the auspicious direction that year (same direction as for Setsubun, I suspect), but no one in my wife’s house sang it, or at least while I wasn’t around.

Edit: I found the song in a book recently:

せり Seri

なずな Nanazu

ごぎょう Gogyou

はこべら Hakobera

ほとけのざ Hotoke-no-za

すずな Suzuna

すずしろ Suzushiro

それは七草 Sore wa nanakusa (“That’s Nanakusa”)

Anyhow, that’s a look at Nanakusa. I joked with my wife if she’d make it this year, and she flatly refused. While it is a very traditional holiday, the porridge takes a lot of work, especially here in the US where the herbs might be hard to gather, and frankly isn’t great tasting. It’s a medicinal porridge more than comfort food. That said, it is a fascinating window into some very old Chinese traditions that still persist in Japan.

¹ The adolescent in me giggles whenever I read this plant name. 😂

Meanwhile Life Goes On

A close-up of a honeybee landing on a flower growing from a blackberry bush.

It’s easy to forget amidst all the stresses of life, especially life now, that life goes on. If nothing else, take time today to get some fresh air and maybe meditate for five minutes. It will help provide a more healthy perspective. 🙂

P.S. Another older post on the subject.

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