Mercy

Praise the virtuous and pity the virtueless.

The Shushogi, chapter 4, section 22

Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’

Gandalf: ‘Pity? It’s a pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play in it, for good or evil, before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.’

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

We live around plenty of detestable people all the time, the Gollums of the world: in our neighborhood, workplace, etc, or in society at large. Some of us even have parents like this too.

It’s hard to put up with these people. Of course, we want to have goodwill toward them, but they just keep doing things that are annoying, rude, selfish, or directly harmful.

So, I like how Dogen in the Shobogenzo (recompiled as the Shushogi), suggests a realistic approach. Sometimes you simply can’t be friends with detestable people, or you can’t be around difficult family relatives. You can at least pity them, not hate them, though. They may never change, and that’s a tragedy, but it’s also important to avoid harboring ill-will. Easier said than done. But like Gandalf says, even terrible people have their part to play. So, at the very least, keep your distance for your own sanity, but also wish them well, even a little.

Confession: I starting writing this post before this one, and also before I had huge fight with my dad (again), and we are once again not on speaking terms, so I feel like a hypocrit for writing this post. but I still believe in those ideals. Because they are there, we can reflect, learn and grow. Myself included.