Buddhism and Parenting

True story, I had some spare time one day recently to sit and meditate,¹ first time in a while. I set the app to 10 minutes, and sat on the ol’ cushion. About five minutes into this, my youngest child walked in and asked me to unlock the parental control on his tablet.

Concentration broken, oh well.

This is a frequent issue with being a parent and being a Buddhist, but it’s not a new one.

In the Buddha’s time, he distinguished the “householder” followers with the “renunciant” ones. This wasn’t meant to denigrate one versus the other, but it was intended to differentiate those who fully could devote themselves to the Dharma (the “renunciants”), to those who had other, competing obligations (the “householders”). Because the renunciants could, in theory, devote themselves full time to practice, and had cut loose any personal obligations and bonds, they could progress a lot further along the Buddhist path. The lay followers (householders) could still progress, but they would be hampered by their mundane obligations, social “entanglements”, and such.

However, because the Buddhist path was intended to help all, the renunciants would set aside certain days of the lunar month for outreach, helping lay followers through teaching and shared practice. This is known as Uposattha in the earliest Buddhist communities.

In later centuries, especially through the Mahayana tradition, Buddhist thinkers and communities sought to expand Buddhist practice to be more engaging toward lay Buddhist followers. The goal of such practices was not intended to replace the traditional monastic establishment, but (I believe) to help fill in the gaps. By expanding the available gates of Buddhist practice, people from all walks of life could find a place to start, and progress. In other words, an even more inclusive Buddhism.

Which comes back to my situation.

If we think of daily life as a box, there are only so many Lego bricks we can fit in there. Most of those Lego bricks, as a parent, are already spoken for, so that leaves only a bit of space left for “me time”. Within that spare time, self-help can be time-consuming, impractical. Or, one is just too mentally exhausted to do anything else but space out. In some ways, life as a “householder” hasn’t changed all that much since the Buddha’s time. We suffer less from hazards like dysentery and Viking raids, but the distractions and obligations are still there.

In any case, until the kids leave the nest, and especially after retirement, I have to be realistic in my own expectations. Simple practices such as the nembutsu, the odaimoku (a la Nichiren Buddhism), the Mantra of Light, or the Heart Sutra, combined with upholding the Five Precepts amidst daily life, are a helpful way to keep up one’s training while being realistic about time and energy. Even reciting something as simple as the nembutsu deepens the karmic bond with the Buddha and hopefully makes the world a slightly better place.

Also even a bit of forward momentum is better than to squander one’s life staring at a screen. 😉

¹ my meditation routine has always been very … inconsistent.